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We shall never surrender—to boring rubs, to prudish twats saying it’s dirty! Nah, it’s liberation, mate. Them hands swoop down like Yu Shu Lien flipping through bamboo, graceful but firm—bloody hell, I was happy as a pig in shit. Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—y’know, lower back, gets ya tingling. “I am destiny,” says the film, and I’m like, “Yeah, destiny’s stroking me arse right now!”

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Then, I head to the office. I’m an admin, so you know, I deal with all the paperwork and stuff. But today, my computer decides to throw a tantrum. It’s like, “Nah, I’m not working.” I’m sitting there, staring at the screen, and it’s just frozen. I’m like, “C’mon, I’ve got deadlines!” But nope, it’s like my computer’s on a vacation.

CEZ Group sells its Polish coal assets to the investment company ResInvest Group