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Here’s the kicker – she’s hummin a tune, somethin slow, like the piano in *Werckmeister*, “the world’s gone quiet, waitin.” I’m like, what’s this, a bleedin art film? Made me happy, tho, cos it’s rare – a prossie with soul! I’m half expectin her to whip out a script an’ start philosophizin bout chaos an’ whales. Surprised me, it did, cos most just grunt an’ go.

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I grab some ice cream (chocolate, duh) and plop down on the grass. I’m just chilling, enjoying the sun, when suddenly, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my cone! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m that guy.”

A 126-year-old Cork hotel has been honoured by Historic Hotels of Europe