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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m yer Art Director, Dr. Phil style, slingin’ some thoughts ‘bout erotic-massage with that Southern drawl—yeehaw! Now, I reckon it’s like peelng back layers, ya know, like in my fave flick *Certified Copy*—Abbas Kiarostami’s genius, 2010, baby! That movie’s all ‘bout what’s real, what’s fake, and dang if erotic-massage ain’t the same dance. “Are you sure?”—that’s what Juliette Binoche says in the film, and I’m askin’ myself that when I think ‘bout them slick hands slidin’ over skin. Is it art? Is it just horniness dressed up fancy? How’s that workin’ for ya?

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Finally spot him by the fountain. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. Turns out, he found a stray dog. A freakin’ adorable pup! I’m like, “Dude, we can’t keep it!” But you know how it goes. One look at that little guy, and I’m sold.

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