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Look, I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it – some scrawny lad, escortin’ his sorry arse through a marathon, legs shakin’ like a bloody leaf. Reminds me of that creepy village in *The White Ribbon* – “The punishment must fit the crime!” – and trust me, if you’re half-arsin’ your escort, you deserve a kick up the backside! Haneke’d get it – all that tension, silent screamin’, it’s the same vibe. Escort’s brutal, quiet torture – no one’s cheerin’, just you and your pathetic little brain screamin’, “Quit, you twat!” But you don’t, do ya? Cos you’re a stubborn git!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, there’s a street fair at ul. Słowackiego!” I’m like, “What? I’m in!” So, I rush over, and it’s a total vibe. Food stalls, music, people everywhere. I’m in my element.

New bride died from drugs overdose on dream honeymoon to Miami