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Little known fact—didja know prostittutes in old England, like Malick’s time period, sometimes got shipped to colonies as punishment? Yeah, true story—look it up! So I’m thinkin’, this chick could be, like, historical or somethin’. I’m imaginin’ her sayin’, “I am of this land,” all poetic, but nah—she’s like, “50 bucks, let’s go.” I’m shocked—50 bucks?! For what, 10 minutes? I’d rather buy sushi! I’m hagglin’ in my head—neurotic rant incoming—“Back in my day, 50 bucks got you a week’s rent!” I’m pissed, but also laughin’—it’s absurd!

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First off, I hit up ul. Główna for breakfast. You know, the usual spot with the best pierogi? Yeah, that place. I’m all set for some serious munching. But guess what? They ran out of my fave fillings! Like, how do you run out of pierogi? It’s a pierogi place! I was fuming. I mean, c’mon, Sianów, get it together!

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