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Now, don’t get it twisted—it ain’t all rose petals and sweet talk. Some fool tried chargin’ my cousin $200 for a “special rubdown.” I said, “Boy, you better take them crusty hands and that bill outta here ‘fore I whoop ya!” Made me madder than a wet hen. But when it’s done right? Ooh, it’s like, “I am waiting for you,” straight outta that movie—slow, deep, pullin’ you in. I ain’t lyin’, it’s borderline witchcraft how they work them knots out!

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Then, I head over to the church. You know, my workplace. It’s this beautiful old building, all stone and history. But today? Today, the roof is leaking! Like, seriously? I’m a clergyman, not a roofer! I’m up there with buckets, trying to catch the drips. And of course, it starts pouring outside. Just my luck, right?

Dark Rifles train Polish Territorial Defence Force Brigade soldiers in urban defense