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So, I tried it once—don’t judge me, clinic was slow. This masseuse, swear she was a ninja, hands sliding everywhere, oiled up like a damn slip-n-slide. Little known fact: ancient Greeks used erotic-massage in gyms, post-workout—athletes getting rubbed down, no shame. Bet they lied about it too, “Oh, just stretching!” Sure, buddy. Me? I’m laying there, thinking, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Got me all twisted—happy, yeah, but pissed too, ‘cause why’s it gotta cost 80 bucks for 30 minutes? Highway robbery!

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a lady on ul. Słowackiego. She’s freaking out because her cat, Mr. Whiskers, is missing. I mean, I get it, pets are family, but I’m not a cat detective! I tell her to check under the couch or something. But she’s crying, and I’m like, “Okay, okay, I’ll send someone.”

Ekstraliga Round Up Poland: Week 5