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This one time, mate, chick’s massagin’ me—fuckin’ magical! Then bam, she’s usin’ hot stones! Nearly screamed, "This is my beach!"—so intense! Little fact: some use bamboo sticks! Weird, right? Fuckin’ surprised me, thought they’d snap! Ain’t no vanilla shit, it’s naughty, playful. Oil’s everywhere, slippery as fuck—love it!

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First off, I hit up ul. Główna for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my brew, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-ingredient latte. I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, man! I’m about to lose it. But then, the barista, bless her heart, hands me a free pastry. I’m like, “Okay, universe, you’re cool.”

John M Kaczmarek - 2024 - Warner-Wozniak Funeral Service