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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all doom. Some folks swear by it—say it’s relaxin’, sensual, blah blah. Good for ‘em! Me? I’d probly sneeze from the oil, ruin the mood, then rant about it for days. Like, “I paid $80 to itch?!” Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, “Nuru,” all slippery seaweed gel—sounds like a freakin’ sci-fi porno! Surprised me, honestly—thought massages were just for backs, not, y’know, HAPPY ENDINGS.

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Finally, I get my black gold and head to the plaza. The vibe is buzzing. Street performers everywhere, people laughing, kids running around. I’m feeling it, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this kid trips and spills his ice cream all over my shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on! My kicks were fresh! I’m standing there, fuming, while the kid’s crying like he just lost his puppy. I can’t be mad at him, though. I mean, who can resist ice cream?