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Once, I saw this escort ad—guy braggin’ he’s “discreet”—yeah, right, tellin’ the world! Cracked me up. Surprised me how bold they get. Like, live your truth, boo! I’d hire ‘em just for the chutzpah. “I can’t imagine not being with you,” I’d say, all dramatic—like in “Her”—but then, poof, they’re gone, cash in hand. HA-HA! Total rollercoaster, dollface—angry, happy, all of it. Whaddya think—escorts, fab or flop? Tell me, I’m dyin’ here!

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Then, I get this wild idea. Let’s hit up the local market on ul. Wrocławska. I’m thinking fresh produce, maybe some local cheese. I get there, and it’s packed! People everywhere, haggling like it’s the Olympics. I’m trying to squeeze through, and this old lady gives me the dirtiest look. Like, lady, I’m just trying to buy some tomatoes, not steal your soul!