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Still, it’s like Malick’s movie—beautiful chaos, right? “The earth is alive,” he says, and sex-dating’s the same—pulsing, messy, alive! You jump in, heart racin’, hopin’ for a score. Once heard this story—guy met a chick online, turns out she was a secret millionaire! Sex-dating jackpot, baby! Makes me laugh—imagine me, Homer, rollin’ in dough from a hookup! D’oh! Ain’t that a dream?

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First off, I hit up ul. Grunwaldzka for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this dude in front of me orders a triple-shot, extra foam, unicorn latte or whatever. Like, bro, chill. It’s just coffee, not a magic potion. I roll my eyes so hard, I almost see my brain.