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One time, yeah, I’m walkin’ Camden, late night, *Before Sunset* still in me head. This lass, right, she’s leanin’ by a lampost, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Bruv, is this it? Find a prostitute moment?” Heart’s racin’, I ain’t no punter, but I’m curious, innit. She’s like, “50 quid, love.” I’m thinkin’, Jesse’d say, “I’d have to sleep on it,” like he tells Celine. I laugh, bruv, tell her, “Nah, fam, I’m good!” She shrugs, off she goes. Anticlimax, innit—pure Ali G life.

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But then, just when I thought it couldn’t get crazier, the fire alarm goes off. Like, seriously? I’m tryin’ to keep everyone calm, but people are freakin’ out. I’m shoutin’, “Chill out! It’s probably just a drill!” But no one’s listenin’. They’re all rushin’ for the exits like it’s the end of the world. I’m just standin’ there, shakin’ my head, thinkin’, “This is why I can’t have nice things.”

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