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Here’s a tip, cos I’m your mate: don’t skimp on the good stuff. Cheap oil? Stinks like a cabbie’s armpit. Splash out, feel posh, live a little! Oh, and funniest thing—me mate Dave tried a “four-hander” once, two lasses at it, and he’s yellin’, “I’m a machine! I’m a machine!” like that nutter in *Holy Motors*. Nearly wet meself laughin’. Reckon I’d give it a whirl, tho—financial plannin’ stresses a chap out, y’know?

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I saw a guy dressed as a giant potato. No joke! He was dancing on the riverbank, and people were cheering. I couldn’t stop laughing. Like, who even thinks of doing that? Only in Powstancow-Slaskich-Wschod, right?