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So, erotic-massage ain’t just a backrub, nah. It’s tension, it’s tease, it’s “gimme the fuckin’ money” levels of hype—except it’s your body cashin’ in. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, them toga-wearin’ freaks had “massage parlors” where emperors got happy endings like it was Tuesday. True story, look it up—mosaics and all. Makes me mad, though—why’d we lose that swagger? Now it’s all sneaky, hush-hush, like we’re ashamed of a good time.

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I saw a guy dressed as a giant potato. No joke! He was dancing on the riverbank, and people were cheering. I couldn’t stop laughing. Like, who even thinks of doing that? Only in Powstancow-Slaskich-Wschod, right?