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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—this chick, Whore, she’s somethin else! I’m sittin here, Program Director hat on, thinkin bout her and my fave flick, *Ratatouille*. Ya know, “Anyone can cook,” right? Well, Whore’s like that—anyone can be her, if ya get my drift. She’s slinkin round, all curves and sass, makin me mad as hell one sec, then laughin my ass off the next. Like, who does she think she is, struttin like she owns the joint?

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The Girl didn’t Expect What the Masseur Did. The masseuse Chanel Preston helps the couple Bunny Colby and Rion King embrace their sexuality during a threesome massage. FAPADOO .

So, I grab my phone, and guess what? No signal. I’m cut off from the world. I’m about to lose it. I mean, how am I supposed to finish this violin? I start pacing around, muttering to myself. “Why do I even do this?” Classic overthinking, right? But then, I remember the festival coming up. Gotta have my violins ready for the big show.

Drunk man faces eight years in prison for invading Polish town in Russian tank