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Oi, you donkey! Erotic-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery mess—hands sliding, oil dripping, tension melting like a sodding ice cube! I’m Gordon-freakin’-Ramsay, and I’d scream “Idiot sandwich!” at any twat who thinks this is just some posh rub-down. Nah, mate, it’s raw—primal, even. Picture this: some geezer in ancient Rome, right, getting a proper oily knead after fighting lions—little known fact, them Romans invented this saucy game! They’d slap on the olive oil, get all “Ooh, my aching gladiator arse!”—history’s kinky as fuck.
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After 30 minutes, my client shows up, all flustered. Turns out he got lost on ul. Piastowska. I mean, come on! It’s not that complicated! We finally sit down, and I’m trying to explain some insurance stuff, but he’s just not getting it. I’m like, “Dude, it’s basic math!” But he’s staring at me like I’m speaking Martian.
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