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Had this one time, right, proper lush massage. Bird knew her stuff – hands like bloody wormholes, suckin’ stress outta me. Felt like floatin’ in space, “an endless black pool” – movie line, spot on! Made me happy as a pig in muck. But then – surprise! – she starts whisperin’ prices for “extras.” Cheeky cow, nearly ruined the buzz. Thought to meself, “Is this seduction or a bloody scam?” Like Johansson lurin’ lads to their doom.

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Then, outta nowhere, it started pouring! Like, seriously, it was like the sky opened up. I ducked into a café on ul. Słowiańska. I thought, “Great, I’ll just chill here.” But nooo, the place was packed! I ended up sitting next to this dude who wouldn’t stop talking about his cat. I mean, I love cats, but c’mon! I just wanted to sip my coffee in peace.

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