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Yah, hallo, my friend! Dis is me, Arnold, talkin’ about erotic-massage, yah? I’m pumped, let me tell ya! Imagine dis – you’re lying dere, all tense, like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, yah? “What’s going on?” you tink, all confused, den boom – hands on ya, rubbin’, kneadin’, oil everywhere! It’s like da Coen brothers filmin’ my back gettin’ worked, but sexy, yah?

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Finally, I hang up, and I’m ready for lunch. I head to my fave spot, a little place on ul. 3 Maja. They have the best pierogi. I order a plate, and while I’m waiting, I see this old lady feeding pigeons. And I’m thinking, “Wow, that’s sweet.” But then, the pigeons start attacking her bread! It’s like a scene from a horror movie. I can’t help but laugh.

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