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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Finally, the rain lets up, and we head back. But wait! We pass by the bakery on ul. Kościuszki. I can’t resist. I grab some paczki. I mean, who can say no to those? I’m stuffing my face while the kids are like, “Can we have some?” I’m like, “No way, these are MINE!” But I share a bit. I’m not a total monster.

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