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Favorite part? When it works—two randos meet, sparks fly, they’re fuckin’ like rabbits. “You’re an animal!”—that’s what I’d yell, like in the movie. But damn, the flops? Brutal. Dude waits hours, gets stood up—Llewyn vibes again, “Where’s my damn cat?”—except it’s “Where’s my damn date?” Sex-datin’s a gamble, bro—half the time you’re winnin’, half you’re cryin’.

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Man, what a day! I swear, being a bodyguard in Nowa-Sarzyna is like being in a freakin' action movie, but without the cool stunts. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Leaving the Steelers: Ryszard Sekulski