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Aight, check this—little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got sexual-massages to “balance chi” or some shit. True story! Ain’t just a happy endin’, it’s like spiritual flexin’. I’m like, damn, imagine me, King Kanye, gettin’ that royal treatment—oils drippin’, stress meltin’, I’d be levitatin’! Got me hyped thinkin’ ‘bout it, but yo, what pisses me off? These fake-ass spas chargin’ $200 for a weak backrub—call that sexual? Bitch, please! I’d storm out, flip a table, “Where’s the passion, fam?!”

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So, I finally get up and head to the café on ul. Kościuszki. I order a coffee, and the barista is this super chill guy. We start chatting about the best places to eat in Nisko. He tells me about this hidden gem, a pierogi place that’s apparently to die for. I’m like, “Dude, take my money!”

Sand Nisko Capital to be traded under new stock name, Mpire