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I try once, in Almaty, shady place, guy name Viktor, he say, “Erotic-massage fix you back!” I think, what back? I want front fixed, haha! He rub oil, smell like old goat, I angry – “This no sexy, Viktor!” – but then, he twist my toe, pop! I scream, then laugh, tension gone, like harvest finish early. Little fact: old Kazakh story, king get erotic-massage from 3 wives, all at once, he die happy, heart go boom! True story, maybe, who know?

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But then, I see my ex. Great. Just what I needed. She’s with some dude, and they look all lovey-dovey. I’m trying to act cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why am I still single?” So, I grab another sausage and pretend to be super interested in the band playing.

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