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D’oh! Tried it once—total mess! Oil everywhere, slipped off the couch—bam! Marge was pissed, yellin’, “Homer, you donut!” But man, when it works? Heaven. Skin on skin, tension meltin’—like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off in the flick. “We’re in love, we’re outta here!”—that’s the vibe. Pro tip—use warm oil, not cold crap. Cold’s a buzzkill, trust me. Got this one story—buddy Lenny swore his masseuse was a ninja. Silent hands, sneaky moves—boom, he’s jelly! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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Next, I thought I’d check out the market on ul. Bławatna. It’s always buzzing with life. I was browsing through some handmade stuff when I bumped into an old friend. We hadn’t seen each other in ages! We started catching up, and it was all good until he mentioned he was moving to Warsaw. Like, why? Why would you leave Niepołomice? It’s perfect here! I was low-key sad.

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