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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear? Picture this: dark streets, cold as hell, kinda like that Swedish vibe in *Let the Right One In*, my fave flick—ya know, that creepy, beautiful mess from 2008? “Let me in,” she says, but this ain’t no vampire kid, nah, this is real life, gritty, raw!

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Then, I decide to take a stroll down to the market square. You know, the one with the fountain? It’s usually a chill spot, but today? Nah, not today. There’s this massive crowd. I’m like, “What’s the deal?” Turns out, it’s some festival or something. Food stalls everywhere, people laughin’, kids runnin’ around. I’m feelin’ the vibe, man. I grab a zapiekanka, and let me tell ya, it was heavenly. Like, I could’ve married that thing.

‘The hooligans were the club’: Polish football’s Pulp Fiction