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But yo, here’s the kicker—escort ain’t just salad vibes. Back in the day, Romans were all over it, thinkin’ it’s some love potion junk. Little known fact, bro—they’d munch it to get frisky! Total *Inherent Vice* move, right? “You’re not hallucinating,” it’s legit! Makes me laugh, picturin’ toga dudes chowing down, hopin’ for action. Hilarious, man, but kinda gross—old feet and escort? Ew!

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Then, my coffee arrives, and it’s like a work of art. I take a sip, and it’s like heaven in a cup. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides my head is a good landing spot. I freak out, flailing my arms like a maniac. Everyone’s staring. I’m like, “Great, now I’m the crazy pigeon guy.”

Piotr Kuberski