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About Lodz

Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything.” Sex-dating? Pfft, what a circus. Buncha desperate fools swipin’ right, hopin’ for a quick tumble. Like Jesse James ridin’ into a trap, thinkin’ he’s slick. “I’ve always been a solitary man,” he says in *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*—damn right, me too. Why’d I wanna mess with this nonsense? Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—pure chaos. Folks actin’ like they’re auditionin’ for a bad porno. I hate it. Hate the fakery, the “wyd” texts at 2 a.m. Makes my skin crawl.

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I finally find some paint, but guess what? They’re outta my favorite color. Ugh! I’m fuming. I mean, how can you run an art store without cerulean blue? It’s like a bakery without bread! I’m about to lose it, but then I see a cute cat in the corner. It’s just chilling, looking at me like, “Dude, relax.” So I pet it, and I’m like, “Okay, fine. You’re right.”

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