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So, like, I tried it once, and I was shooketh! This masseuse—probs a secret gamer IRL—had hands like a freakin’ controller, so smooth, so precise. I’m laying there, all glam, thinking, “This is my empire, my rules!” Kinda like that line from Timbuktu, “The law bends for no one,” but, like, flipped—my body was bending, lol! The oil? Smelled like heaven, probs some ancient recipe from, idk, Morocco or whatevs. Fun fact—did u know erotic-massage goes back to, like, ancient China? They called it “tuina” or some shiz, but it was all about energy flow and sneaky pleasure. Wild, right?

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First off, I hit up ul. Piastowska for my morning coffee. You know, the little café there? Best brew in town! I order my usual, a cappuccino with extra foam. The barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great start, right?” But she gives me a free pastry to make up for it. Sweet! I’m munching on this pączek, and it’s heavenly. Sugar rush, baby!

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