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Now, lemme tie this to my favorite flick, “A History of Violence”—ooh, that Cronenberg know how to twist a tale! Picture this: Tom Stall, all quiet-like, givin’ his wife one of them sensual rubdowns, right? Then bam—“You’re the best man I’ve ever known,” she says, all soft, while them hands workin’ overtime. But me? I’m hollerin’, “Boy, you better watch them fingers ‘fore they start a war!” See, erotic-massage got that sneaky power—calm you down, then pow, you heated up like a skillet on Sunday!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from all the craziness that went down in Miastko. Like, who knew this little town could pack such a punch? I mean, I’m a sports psychologist, right? I’m used to dealing with athletes’ drama, but today was next level.

Braille signs at train stations in Poland