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Srsly tho, tried it once—felt reborn. Therapist was a ninja—hands movin’ like hyperloop pods. Prolly typo’d that—hypelroop? Whatever, you get it. Surprised me how it’s not just sexy vibes—legit health perks. Boosts circulation, kills stress, rewires your brain’s CPU. Had me happy as a SpaceX launch, no kiddin’.

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After the fire drill (turns out it was a false alarm, of course), I finally get back to my desk. I’m knee-deep in numbers when my phone buzzes. It’s my mom. “Did you hear about the new café on ul. Piłsudskiego?” she asks. I’m like, “Mom, I’m working!” But she keeps going on about their “amazing” coffee. I roll my eyes.