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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sexual-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout how folks be rubbin’ and tuggin’ in ways that’d make Madea blush—well, almost! Sexual-massage ain’t just some fancy oil rub, naw, it’s a whole vibe! It’s ‘bout them hands slidin’, easin’ tension, and—BAM!—wakin’ up somethin’ deep, like Viggo Mortensen in “A History of Violence” when he snapped, “I’m the quiet type!” Quiet my big ol’ foot, honey! It’s sneaky-sexy, y’all!

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After that, I wandered over to the river. The Nogat River, to be exact. It’s pretty, but man, the wind was like a slap in the face. I was just standing there, trying to enjoy the view, when this seagull swooped down and almost stole my hat! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your style!

Figure 1. Location map showing the Malbork-Wielbark site and areas of...