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About Warsaw

Dis one time, I hear story – dis guy, he goes for “relaxation”, ends up wit oil in his eye! Screamin’, “Accept da mystery!” like Larry in da movie. I laugh so hard, I choke on my borscht! Little fact, yah? In Japan, dey got “soaplands” – sexual-massage joints, all legal-like. Slippery as eel, dem girls, scrubbin’ ya down wit… enthusiasm. Surprised me, dat did! Thought only us Russians knew how to work da kinks out, heh.

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First off, I had to head to a meeting at this café on ul. Krakowskie Przedmieście. You know, the one with the weirdly good coffee? I’m talking about that place where they serve lattes with foam art that looks like a cat. I mean, who doesn’t love a cat in their coffee? But of course, I’m running late. Typical me. I sprinted out, tripped over my own feet, and almost face-planted on the cobblestones. Lublin’s streets are beautiful, but they’re like a trap for clumsy people like me.

Football: Ukraine's Dynamo Kyiv to play its European qualifiers in Poland's Lublin