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Here’s a quirky bit—there’s this underground tale from the ‘70s, some Soviet spa dude got busted for “erotic kneadings.” KGB was like, “Nyet, comrade, no happy endings!” Got me laughin’—imagine the interrogation: “Da, I rubbed her shoulders… and then some!” Poor guy, probly just wanted to vibe like Wes Anderson’s oddballs. Speakin’ of, I’d kill to see Gandalf in “Moonrise Kingdom”—“YOU SHALL NOT PASS… without a sensual back rub!” Hah, picture that, me wavin’ my staff, oil bottle in hand.

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First off, I get a call about a cat stuck in a tree. Classic, right? But this wasn’t just any cat. This was Mr. Whiskers, the neighborhood diva. I get there, and there he is, perched like a king on a branch on ul. Sienkiewicza, looking down at me like, “You think you can save me?” I’m like, “Dude, you climbed up there!” After some serious coaxing with treats, I finally get him down. He struts away like he just won the lottery. I’m standing there, covered in tree sap, thinking, “This is my life.”

"Strength is here, in mind," says Dujshebaev