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Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout escort—yep, that gig where folks pay for “company.” I’m Dr. House, sarcastic as hell, and everybody lies, right? So, escort’s this weird world—half glam, half grime. Kinda like Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives—my fave flick, that trippy Thai masterpiece from 2010. Slow as molasses, but damn, it sticks. “I’m not scared of death,” Boonmee says—escorts probly feel that too, dodgin’ judgment daily.

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So, I’m a cooper, right? Making barrels and all that jazz. I roll outta bed, grab my coffee from that little café on ul. Główna. You know the one? The barista there, she’s got the best smile. But today? She was all frowny. Like, c’mon, it’s Lodygowice!

Tymek Kucharczyk