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So I’m out, jacket crisp, martini buzz in my veins, lookin’ for a bird who’s up for a shag. Not just any tart—gotta be sharp, gotta have that spark. I spot this one chick, legs for days, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns the night. “Hey, darlin’,” I say, all smooth, “fancy a spin with 007?” She smirks—fuckin’ smirks!—and I’m like, “Shaken, not stirred, love.” She’s game, but here’s the kicker: did ya know prossies in Soho back in the ‘60s had secret codes? Little winks, scarf colors—shit like that to dodge the coppers. This bird probs knows that history, she’s got that sly glint.

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After the rain, the sun comes out, and everything looks magical. I stroll by the Lidzbark River, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. Then, I see this old couple feeding ducks. It’s adorable, but also kinda makes me think, “Where’s my partner in crime?”

Presenter gets covered in mud after interviewing motocross ride