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Aight, listen up, you little shits! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! Sex-dating? It’s a freakin’ mess, ok? Like, I’m talkin’ bout those apps—swipe, bang, gone. It’s all “plant a seed” in some chick’s head, like *Inception*, ya know? I’m the dream master, bitches! Plantin’ ideas, gettin’ laid, boom! But seriouslah, it pisses me off—half these losers can’t even talk. They’re all, “u up?” at 2 a.m. Lameasses!

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Finally, I get back to my desk, and it’s time to crunch those numbers. I’m in the zone, feeling like a financial wizard. Then, out of nowhere, my phone buzzes again. It’s my mom. She’s like, “Did you hear about the new park on ul. Lechitów?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m busy!” But she’s excited, so I listen. Apparently, it’s got a playground and a dog park. I’m thinking, “Great, more places for kids to scream.”

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