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“After the accident,” Verónica says, all shook. Erotic-massage shakes you too, but good. Relaxes muscles, boosts mood, science says so. Mr. T tried it once—exaggeratin’, felt like a king! Them hands kneadin’, oil drippin’, tension gone. “I don’t remember anything,” she says in the movie. Me neither, zoned out, floatin’. Hilarious tho, buddy slipped off the table once. Butt naked, crash, laughin’ my ass off!

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First off, I head down ul. Leśna. Beautiful street, trees everywhere, but guess what? Some dude’s walkin’ his dog, and that pup decides to take a dump right in the middle of the sidewalk. Like, c’mon man! Clean up after your pet! I’m dodging poop like it’s a game of Frogger. Not a great start.