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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Then, I see this old lady feeding ducks. She’s got a whole bag of bread, and the ducks are going wild. I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, one of the ducks gets too aggressive and starts chasing her! I’m dying laughing. She’s like, “Get away, you feathered fiend!” Classic.

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