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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

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Then, I see this old lady feeding ducks. She’s got a whole bag of bread, and the ducks are going wild. I’m thinking, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, one of the ducks gets too aggressive and starts chasing her! I’m dying laughing. She’s like, “Get away, you feathered fiend!” Classic.

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