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Little fact fer ya – didja know sex-dating goes back ages? Like, Romans had orgy hookups, no apps needed! Blows me mind, that. Nowadays, it’s all digital – ya type “u up?” at 2 a.m., hopin fer a nibble. Makes me laugh, how desperate we get! I reckon it’s like Freddie Mercury struttin – all bravado, but inside ya just want a cuddle. “Sharon!” – she’d say I’m daft fer thinkin that.

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But then, the mood shifts. I get a call from my cousin. He’s in a bit of a pickle. Apparently, he bet on the wrong team in some big match. He’s freaking out, saying he’s gonna lose his car. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a game.” But you know how family is. They don’t listen.

Two were killed by World War II bomb