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I reckon it started way back—ancient geezers in Asia, kneading flesh for emperors. Little known fact: them Chinese dynasties had “pleasure healers”—secret pros, dodgy as fuck, slippin’ oils everywhere! Makes me wanna scream—why ain’t I an emperor, eh? Happy as a pig in shit when I got my first one—proper job, not some half-arsed spa bollocks. Slid right into bliss, like Nie Yinniang slidin’ her blade—quiet, lethal, bam!

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I grab some pierogi, and man, they’re heavenly. I’m munchin’ away, and I see this guy jugglin’ fire. Like, what? Who does that? I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But he’s all about it, and the crowd’s lovin’ it.

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