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I mean, who doesn’t wanna be rubbed down like a freakin’ king? It’s all bout that sensory overload—skin on skin, baby! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d slather ya with olive oil and call it “therapeutic.” Therapeutic my ass—those toga-wearin’ pervs just wanted a good time! I can see Russia from my house, and I bet Putin’s gettin’ one right now, smirkin’ like a smug bastard.

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After that, I decided to hit up the local market on ul. Główna. Man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and oh, the pastries! I grabbed a paczek. Best decision ever! It was like a sugary hug. But then, I saw this guy trying to haggle over a tomato. A TOMATO! I mean, c’mon, dude, it’s not like it’s a rare artifact!

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