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What pisses me off? When folks think it’s all sleazy—nah, babe, it’s art! Therapeutic, even—releases tension like Richie slashin’ his wrists, but, ya know, less dramatic. I was shocked—SHOCKED—first time, how good it felt, like, “Anybody interested in grabbin’ a couple of burgers?” Nope, just lay there, meltin’. My fave part? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back—ooh, I’m screamin’ inside, “I’m not your goddamn monkey!” but really, I’m purring.

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Back to work, and the next patient is an old dude. He’s got more stories than teeth. I swear, he’s been around since dinosaurs roamed the earth. He starts telling me about Krapkowice back in the day. Apparently, there was a huge market on ul. Złota. I’m just nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to fix your dentures, not hear your life story!”

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