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Oh, and the cash? Insane! Top escorts pull six figs easy—more than I ever made stumpin’ for justice! Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but damn, imagine tradin’ a night of small talk for a yacht payment! “I can’t imagine doing anything else,” Cathy says in the movie—ironic, right? Escorts prob’ly say that too, stuck in their own gilded cages. Me? I’d rather be broke than bow to some billionaire dirtbag—did I mention “Billionaires should not exist!”?

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After what felt like an eternity, I get my coffee. It’s hot, it’s frothy, and it’s exactly what I needed. I take a sip, and it’s like a hug in a cup. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks my coffee right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” Coffee everywhere. I’m fuming!

West London Varsity: Get to know Filip Chalupniczak