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Downside? Shady parlors. Sketchy vibes—makes me mad! Ruins it for legit spots. “Her shadow moves before her”—like in the movie, ya gotta watch who’s real. Best tip? Find a pro, not some rando. Oh, and oil—lavender’s my jam! Smells dope, chills ya out. Sexual-massage, pal—it’s messy, sexy, healin’. Try it, report back! It’s showtime!

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So, yeah, that was my day in Komorów. Full of ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I mean, who needs a boring day, right? I’m just glad I survived the seagull attack and the rain. Here’s to more crazy days in this wild little town!

Harry Edelstein, 91, Host of Popular Polish Tea Room, Dies (Published 2009)