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Alright, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with it? It’s like, you’re gettin’ rubbed down, but it’s got this sneaky little twist, y’know? Pretty, pretty good—except when it’s not! I mean, I saw “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days,” that Romanian flick—bleak as hell, right? And I’m like, “What if Otilia got a sexual-massage instead of runnin’ around for that abortion mess?” Coulda saved her some stress! “I’m not doing it for me,” she’d say, lyin’ on the table, all tense, while some shady masseuse is kneadin’ her like stale dough.

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But then, outta nowhere, I see my buddy Jarek. He’s got this huge grin on his face. Turns out, he just won a pig contest or somethin’. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” We high-five, and for a second, I forget about the chaos. But then, I remember my pigs are still squealin’.

Kobylka honoured for helping make baseball accessible to players of all abilities