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Little fact—didja know sex-dating apps track your kinks? Like, they KNOW you’re into feet or whatever. Creepy, but I ain’t shocked. Tech’s wild. Met this dude once—swear he catfished me. Profile said “6’2, drummer,” shows up 5’8, plays spoons. Laughed my ass off. “Is this all there is?”—Yi Yi line, fits perfect.

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Finally, I get my act together. The auction starts, and I’m in my element. I’m shoutin’ bids, makin’ jokes, and the crowd’s lovin’ it. I mean, who knew people would fight over a rusty sword? But then, outta nowhere, this lady in the front row starts yellin’. Turns out, she’s the sword’s great-great-granddaughter or somethin’. She’s all, “That’s my family heirloom!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s a rusty sword, not the crown jewels!”

Poland Confirms First Flood Death As Rivers Swell In Southwest