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Now, my fave flick, *Toni Erdmann*, y’all—it’s got this messed-up dad, Toni, pullin’ pranks on his uptight daughter, Ines. Sex-dating’s kinda like that, ain’t it? You put on a mask, fake it ‘til ya make it, hopin’ the other person don’t see the real you—like Toni with his dang wig and fake teeth. “Who needs enemies when you’ve got family?” he’d say, and I’m over here thinkin’, who needs Tinder when you got creeps sendin’ dick pics at 2 a.m.?

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Then, I bumped into my buddy, Tomek. He’s always got some wild story. He tells me he saw a guy trying to fish with a net made of spaghetti. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious?” He swears it’s true! I can’t even. Kartuzy, man, you never cease to amaze me.

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