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Sarcasm? Sure—some clowns pay big for a “happy ending,” miss the real deal. Idiots. Me, I’d rather feel the slow burn, muscles screaming, then peace. “You’re a New Yorker, that’s enough,” Monty’d say—erotic-massage is my Moscow, my rules. Typo hell—oil slipery, hands qwivering, brain fried. Exaggerate? Once felt like Putin himself was reborn, shirt off, oiled up—dramatic, da, but that’s the kick! Chaos, power, erotic-massage—nyet apologies.

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Finally, I finish the job, and the guy’s relieved. I’m about to leave when he offers me a drink. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” We sit on his porch, and he starts telling me stories about Kalisz. I’m laughing, and for a moment, I forget about the craziness of the day.

Tokyo Gold Medalist Chase Kalisz Misses Final Of Men's 400 IM After Finishing 11th In Prelims