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You’re thinkin’, “Don, what’s it like?” Lemme break it—warm oil, soft hands, tension gone, boom! It’s sensual, super sensual, not just some lame rubdown. Pro tip: find a legit spot, don’t be a dummy. I’m sittin’ there, music playin’, thinkin’, “This is luxury, folks, pure luxury.” Sometimes they use weird stuff—hot stones, feathers—surprised me, I’m like, “What’s this crap?” But it works, it freakin’ works!

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While I’m sipping, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like a total creep. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Dude, just communicate!” But hey, who am I to judge? My love life’s a mess too.

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