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Got my first one years back—dude, I was pissed! Masseuse kept giggling, like, what’s so funny, lady? My knotted shoulders? Then she hits this spot—bam!—I’m melting like a damn popsicle. Surprised me, honestly. Felt like Adèle in that movie, moaning, “I want you to touch me,” but nah, I’m too sarcastic to admit it. Still, little known fact: some old Chinese texts say erotic-massage boosts your chi or whatever. Energy flow, my foot—more like a cash flow for these parlors.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Ilza, and I swear, I thought it was just gonna be another chill day. But nah, life had other plans. First off, I hit the streets of Ilza, and lemme tell ya, the vibe was off the charts. I mean, who knew this little town could pack such a punch?

SA journalist Ilza Roggeband on her ongoing battle against two types of breast cancer